The following link is very hard to read. *various forms of abuse mentioned*
One thought really pops out to me. Motherhood changes everything. I had so many triggers after my second child was born. I had post partum depression, anxiety attacks, and my OCD went into overdrive. I would clean and clean the same spot over again. I would be crying and wanting to stop and I couldn’t. My baby was so high-needs, and her crying was a trigger to my anxiety.
But motherhood saved me too.
I was in my late 20s and finally sought help. Finally. I realized that you cannot put your past behind, not if you are an abuse victim. It’s still there. It’s a shadow flickering behind you. It’s a breeze always wafting thru the room. It takes on a life of it’s own. At least it did for me. I was living my whole life with this extra being strapped to me. I wanted freedom so bad, and I couldn’t do it alone.
Please, if you are a survivor of childhood trauma, seek help! Talk to an educated and experienced counselor or therapist. If you don’t have insurance, seek out someone anyway. Many places, especially Chrisitan organizations, will adjust the rates based on your income.
I am sorry to advise that you don’t seek just your pastor’s counsel, especially if they have no education or experience with victims of childhood abuse. Christian counsel IS important, but many pastor’s have no education whatsoever in dealing with these issues. The support and prayer of brothers and sisters in Christ can bring a comfort like nothing else can. But don’t be afraid to get help from a professional! It doesn’t mean that you are a bad Christian! It doesn’t mean that a professional is just going to throw some pills at you and shove you out the door. In fact, my counselor does not provide prescriptions without many counseling sessions and at least one other counselor’s agreement. Start researching for someone reliable! Keep asking and searching for help till you get it. You are worth it!