I see a lot of blogging online about the perils of the Patriarchal movement. The opinion being that it raises boys that see girls as objects. Young men that marry women and expect those women to stay at home and care for children and household. Young men that often times take the role of “head of household” to the extreme and becoming very controlling or even abusive.
What happens to the boys that don’t go to the controlling extreme? What is the other extreme?
I will share what I have seen. I have seen young men that are so used to being controlled that they have no clue about independence in adulthood. They don’t know how to make the smallest decision. These are hard working, honest young men. Their parents have made the error of assuming these boys will be able to make the transition to adulthood on their own.
What is it like to be married to one of these men and now, in the double digits of our relationship? I say the following to share our experience, not to belittle my husband. He is a wonderful husband and father. But he really struggled in some ways. I feel that his parents did a disservice to him in some ways, and to me, since I was then left with the aftermath of his childhood.
He still has trouble making decisions and forming relationships. He was very isolated as a child and has trouble feeling comfortable at the mall, let alone a large amusement park or other large crowds. We still live within an hour of his parents. He is just now considering moving away from an area that he never really liked anyways. He has trouble with the concept of “agree to disagree”. This concept was not taught in his childhood. There was one right way and everything was black and white when he was younger. He isn’t very open to new experiences, places or people.
I don’t fault him for any of these things. I can see that he is growing and pushing against these old bad habits. There is a wonderful, loving, open minded person that is still trying to emerge from the destruction of a Fundamentalist upbringing.