What I really want to say to my mom

I remember a time when I was a young school ager, not more than 7 years old, that I had this thought “My parents don’t know what they are doing”. It was scary. I am living in a house and not able to trust what the adults around me are doing. Feeling as if I needed to figure out motives behind actions, be suspicious of those around me, worry that I needed to figure out so many things that I never should have been thinking about as a young child. 

When you would sit me on the counter and vent about your husband, my step dad, I wish you would have stopped and said “I am not going to talk to about this. I am going to take care of it, and you can trust that you don’t need to worry about it”. 

When my step dad was beating and torturing our family, I wish you would have stood up for us kids and demanded this behavior stop immediately. 

I wish you would have protected me from adult discussions about infidelity, drugs and other inappropriate topics. 

I wish you would have shielded me from worry about food, clothing and shelter, even if you couldn’t provide those things all the time. 

I wish you would have told me that I was wonderful just the way God made me and not compare me to a sibling who was forever just a little bit prettier and smarter than me. 

I wish you wouldn’t have relied on me to care for a special needs sibling, or a younger sibling, or you for that matter. 

I wish you would have been real to those around us instead of forever scrambling to keep a facade up of the perfect Christian family. 

I never expected you to be perfect. I just wanted you to be a little bit stronger than I was. I didn’t want to be thrown out in the waves of life with no anchor, no shore to swim for and no lighthouse for guidance. 

I am an adult. I still need my mom. She is still not there. 

I feel lost and alone a lot of the time. I have no grandmother or mother to turn to. My older siblings are a long distance away both physically and emotionally. 

I am alone. The only thing I know to do is to hang on for dear life and try to create something different for my own daughters. 

Don’t forget, everyone looks better online

Hello fellow parents, I know you are currently seeing all your parent friends post Halloween pictures on Facebook. Of course there are the adorable family themed costumes. Oh look, the Johnsons did a breakfast theme and little Bethany is dressed up as a fried egg! And the Lees did a Mario Brothers theme and Jeff dressed up as Luigi. Look honey, he is even smiling and why can’t you be like Jeff? 

So your kids just pulled a pillowcase over their head before knocking on the door. So they were eyeless ghosts. So what? You took them out trick or treating. You made memories too! Jacked up memories that involved Jr. falling off every porch in the neighborhood but memories none the less. 

Do not be pulled into the temptation of Facebook in thinking that every other family out there had a picture perfect Halloween. Meanwhile, your 2 year old is STILL wearing her costume four days later and the baby got diarrhea after getting into the chocolate. 

Everyone looks good online….better than good. Every family is smiling, having fun, peaceful and carefree in their Facebook pictures. It’s just a picture. It’s not real life. 

You know what that Kathy Miller is saying about you right now? “Shoot, I should have done like that darn neighbor of mine. She one upped me and had home made costumes for her kids! Why does she have to be such a super mom and make the rest of us look bad?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UE6iAjEv9dQ   watch this for a good reminder when you have Facebook/online envy